sing me a song.

Three Weeks until I am home. I am getting rather excited about moving out of here, and starting on some of my summer goals and routines.
I have been rather proud of myself lately, because I got two midterms back today. In math, I received a 77%, and in Psych, I received a 76%! I am most proud of the latter one, because this whole year, I have been unable to earn the grades I want in Psych. This is my highest! We have one more small test on Thursday, unfortunately, I will not really be able to study for it until Wednesday night. It's only 10% of our mark, but I could definitely bring up my mark even more!

Tomorrow I really need to get back into running. It is supposed to be sunny for the next three days, so hopefully I can get out there, and run off some of this slouchy-ness I am feeling. I also have a set of ab workouts to do called the 300.. today I did all 300. So I'm hoping to tone my abs a bit. I am trying to work on my eating for the last three weeks. It is always a struggle for me to eat right, exercise, and feel good about my body.
I recently learned that I am body obsessed and food obsessed. I am not talking about the occasional check yourself in the mirror, and the feeling guilty of eating some chocolate. I am talking a constant battle that I endure with myself on how I look and feel about myself. I am always criticizing my body, especially my stomach and face. I have extreme insecurities about those body parts. I am always thinking about my love handles and how to cover them up. I won't wear certain styles of clothes, because I am not comfortable with how they show off my body. I am always buying tops that flow or flare at the bottom to cover lumps. I also battle with food. Even though I do eat healthily, I somehow still find times to pig out. When there is food around, I eat until I am food or sick of the food. I am always thinking about what I just ate, and the next meal I will have. I have extreme feelings of guilt of eating food, and instantly check myself in the mirror. Some days it'll take me an hour to dress, just for the simple fact that some part of my body is not looking good.
I told my mom how I was feeling, and how I wanted to find someone to help me deal with these feelings. I can't think of a time when I have not been thinking of my body/food. It's really sad and annoying to myself to have to cope with these thoughts I have. I obviously don't want to be obsessed with weight/body/food/etc... but it's something I have dealt with for as long as I can remember.
It's time to start feeling better.
Going home is going to help, where I'll have my mom to help plan work-outs and meals, and hopefully I'll learn to somehow be comfortable with myself.

To end on a happier note, my girls came over tonight to watch The Hills. Both episodes were really good! I missed having the show in my life. Now all I need is all my regular prime time shows to return. Then I'll be set. Set to work, watch tv, and spend the majority of my time with my family. I am so excited. I've missed them!

xx